eʻae mai iaʻu (Let it be me)
by mebuckelew
Summary: A quick story about the aftermath of Joe's death
1. Chapter 1

"Shit!" Danny knew he was running late and was already anticipating the comments he would receive from his partner as soon as he walked in the door.

As per their usual routine Danny was on his way to pick up his partner before heading into work. It was an unspoken agreement they had for months now, since Steve never let Danny drive and since Steve's house was on the way to the palace Danny would stop by, grab a cup of freshly brewed cup of coffee, and let Steve chauffeur him into the office.

He pulled into the driveway, hopped out of the car, and walked briskly through the door. "I know, I know, I'm late, I'm sorry ok? We're not all up at 4:00am like some…" the words died on his lips as he realized he was talking to nobody.

Danny stopped, turned, and walked back to the door. He opened it slowly and peered out to see if he had missed the fact that Steve's truck wasn't even in the driveway. Nope, it was there, Steve hadn't left without him. Puzzled he walked into the kitchen looking for the pot of coffee. Seeing none he made his way out to the beach. Could Steve have added a few more miles to his swim this morning expecting that Danny would be late?

The beach was empty. No towel over the back of the chair, no flip-flops (because he refused to call them slippers), not even Steve's phone on one of the chairs. Turning back to face the house Danny felt a flicker of something in the back of his mind… worry. Steve was a creature of habit, it was part of what drove Danny crazy. Up at sun rise, brew coffee, jog, swim, shower… regardless of what was going on in his life Steve's default was routine. Could it be possible Steve overslept? He checked his watch 8:45… the thought again ignited the flicker in the back of his mind.

The months since Joe White's death had been hard on Steve. He would never admit to it… but Danny could see the cracks starting to show. The dark circles that were now a permanent fixture, the forced smile that didn't quite seem to reach his darker than usual blue eyes, and the faraway look in his eyes when he didn't know anyone was watching.

Danny didn't know the details of Joe's death or the immediate aftermath. The man he met at his arrival in Montana was someone he barely recognized, there was a hardness that hadn't been there before. For a month Steve had been alone dealing with the demons… well not alone, with Catherine… he had called Catherine, not Danny. A fact that still felt like a punch to the gut every time he thought of it.

"I didn't want you to see me like this Danny" the explanation Steve had given when asked why he didn't call. A response he knew that Steve meant completely, he was trying to protect Danny, like always. But it didn't prevent the anger from rising in the pit of Danny's stomach nor did it do anything to quiet the alarms that had been ever present since Danny had heard the news.

Walking back into the house Danny slowly made his way up the stairs to check on his partner. As he reached the landing, he could hear the shower running. Breathing a sigh of relief, he turned to go back down to the kitchen to start the coffee and find just the right comments to let Steve know he was there on time and had been waiting for ever for Steve to come downstairs when he heard the shower turn off. The lack of white noise allowed a softer sound to register, soft snoring… The flicker of worry was replaced in quick succession by confusion followed by concern and then embarrassment.

He slowly crept up to the open door and peered in. Steve was sound asleep on his back, arms flung over his head, snoring softly. Did Steve have a lady friend over last night and he had walked in on the aftermath? He suppressed a laugh and turned to walk back downstairs when he realized that Steve's truck had been the only car in driveway… the confusion was back.

He heard the bathroom door click open and before he could duck out of sight, he locked eyes with the woman exiting the bathroom clad in shorts and a t-shirt, Catherine.


	2. Chapter 2

***Author's Note***

I have a hard time writing Danny, I feel like he says more with his hands and body language than he ever puts into words. I tried to capture that during this _discussion,_ hope I did ok.

 **Chapter 2**

Catherine jumped when she saw someone standing in the corner of the doorway, hand instinctively reaching for her holstered weapon, which of course wasn't there. She quickly registered who it was and her hand then moved to cover her mouth with her finger signaling both Danny and herself to be quiet as she turned to look at Steve. Oblivious to the exchange that just took place in his bedroom Steve slept on, not moving so much as a muscle as Catherine whisked Danny down the stairs into the living room.

"You scared the shit out of me Danny!" She finally spoke as the moved away from the stairs, "What are you doing here?"

" _I_ scared the shit out of _you_!?" Danny spit back at her? "What am _I_ doing here? What the hell are _you_ doing here? Aren't you supposed to be off saving the world somewhere?" It was cruel, and he knew it, but couldn't find it in himself to care at this moment.

She was taken back by his tone and his uncharacteristically harsh words "Danny… I… "

"You know what Cath? Don't, just don't ok."

Danny raised his hands and started to list questions for her, "Let's start with why you're here? When you got here? And when you're leaving… you know, so I can prepare for how much of a mess I am going to have to clean up this time."

Her immediate reaction was anger, the hair on the back of her neck stood as she felt the adrenaline surge shoot up from her core. She bit her tongue, took a deep calming breath, and moved to sit on the sofa before responding to him.

"I could tell something was bothering you from the second you saw me in Montana. Got something you want to get off your chest Danny?"

"Huh… you could tell something was bothering me huh? That's a.. that's some great detective work Catherine… that something they teach you in the CIA, how to read people? Or just how to screw over your family and friends?"

"That's not fair Danny! You know I love Steve… and you for that matter. Steve understands why I had to do what I did, why I had to leave. We talked about this, you and I years ago!" She was finding it harder to keep her emotions in check.

"Oh yeah… that's right, we did talk about it years ago.. yeah.. pretty sure that was the same conversation that you told me you were staying! You lied, to my face, Catherine!" Danny was pacing now, his arms gesturing wildly trying to prove his point.

"First of all, keep your voice down", she yelled to him in a whisper, "Steve is _asleep_ and if it is _ok_ with you I would like to keep it that way. Second of all, I didn't say I would stay. I said there was nothing I wanted more.."

Danny dropped into the chair across from her, "Semantics? Really? That's your defense here? You have got to be kidding me! Cath look, I know you love Steve, I do, really. But what you're doing now and every other time you popped up is to hurt him… I told you once that he is the best version of himself with you around… but you know what huh? He is the worst version of himself when you leave _again._ "

Unable to contain his emotion Danny got up to resume his pacing. "Catherine, you, uh, you haven't been around… do you even know what he's been through the last few years? It's a lot, ya know, it's Steve, right, so he gets knocked down and he just keeps getting back up again… but I gotta tell ya, this time the getting back up… that's taking a while ya know, after Joe… I just uh… I don't know if he can, I mean how he's gonna take it when you leave again. That's all. I'm just trying to look out for my boy ya know."

"Danny, listen, I know… you don't think I know what it does to him when I leave?" She paused, trying to hide the quiver in her voice. "You don't think it does the same thing to me?" She cleared her throat trying to dislodge the lump that had settled there.

"Then why keep doing it Cath? Huh? Either stay gone or come home… if it's that hard why put yourself, and him, through it?" He resumed his previous position on the chair. His resolve was crumbling. He was furious with her for everything she had put Steve through but as he listened to her, he could see that Steve wasn't the only one suffering.

"Danny…" she started but was unable to finish for fear that she would lose her tenuous grip on her emotions.

"How long?" He asked point blank.

"How long? How long what?"

"How long you staying this time? A week? A month? You leaving today?"

How was she going put this? Was she ready to have this conversation with Danny? It was hard enough to have with Steve… was it even Danny's business? Well now that was a dumb question, she thought to herself. What are the chances that _this_ would be the time that Danny would take the response 'none of your business' as an acceptable answer? A big fat zero she answered her own question. 'Might as well just get it over with' she scolded herself.

"I'm here to stay Danny."

"Oh, really? Sure you don't want to re-phrase that so you can change your mind later and not have to feel guilty about lying to me?" He knew if Steve were in the room his partner would have jumped to Catherine's defense by now and told him to quit with his attitude… but Steve wasn't here… he was upstairs asleep, oblivious to this entire conversation. Therefore, Danny rationalized, he was free to get the answers that Steve for some reason never pushed her for.

His response hurt but if she were being honest with herself, she couldn't really blame him. Steve was his partner, his best friend, his brother and she had hurt him… more than once. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for the rant she knew was coming.

"I resigned my position with the CIA last week, I got in late last night, it was the first flight home I could get. I'm not going anywhere Danny, no semantics, no word games, I'm home to stay." She had been staring at her folded hands in her lap while she spoke, afraid of what she might see in Danny's eyes. When she got no response, she raised her head to meet his eyes. He was speechless and he wasn't moving, if this had been an earlier time in their friendship (although at this point, she wasn't even sure if she could call it that) she would have loved to make a comment about his current state of quiet… now didn't seem the time.

"Ok… so uh no more CIA huh? That's… ah… that's… something" He sputtered once he found his voice again."

"So, why now? Why not last year or the year before? Why not when he was kidnapped by Wo Fat? Why not when he almost died and I gave him part of my liver? Why not when you found out he was going to ask you to marry him?" He was pacing again. He was shooting questions rapid fire at her not waiting for an answer. When he finally stopped to take a breath, he looked her and realized she was staring back at him, the expression on her face made him realize that she had said something and she was waiting for what? An answer a reaction from him? What had she just said? Belatedly he heard the question play back in his mind.

"What did you just say? Did you just say what I think you did?"

"I'm pregnant Danny."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I'm pregnant Danny." Saying the words out loud still felt so strange to her.

"You're… pregnant? What? How? Who's the father?" His mouth was moving faster than his brain could keep up.

" _Excuse me?!_ Who's the father? Are you really going to stand there and ask me that question Danny?" It was taking every fiber of her being not to leap off the sofa and attack him.

"Whoa, hang on there, calm down… it's not like you've been undercover in a convent the last few years. So, judging from this," he gestures at her noting that she looks like she could come off the sofa and end him at any moment, "I take it Steve's the father?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response Danny!" His name slid off her tongue slowly and precisely trying both to convey the seriousness of her words but also to allow herself time to try and temper her anger before she snapped.

"Ok… Catherine," he matched her tone as he drew out the syllables of her name. "How did this happen?"

At this she laughed, "I would have thought that you would have had that part figured out by now, what with Grace and Charlie and all… but, if you need me to explain it to you I can."

"NO! For the love of all that is holy, NO! There is no scenario on this earth where _that_ conversation is going to happen. You know what I meant… so… uh… you were in Montana for a bit then I take it?"

She nodded.

"So… ah… does ah Steve know?"

"Yes, Danny, Steve knows. Do you honestly think I would tell you before I told him?" His reaction was to tilt his head and smirk at her.

"Seriously?"

"Well… it wouldn't be the first time you came back and he took the 'no questions asked' approach to your visit."

"I told him last night."

"And….?" He was clearly not going to leave it at that.

"And… it went… well, it went, how's that?"

"Yeah, that's not gonna cut it Cath. How'd he take it? Is he ok?"

"He's fine." She started but didn't go any further under that patented Danny Williams glare. "Ok, he'll _be_ fine, how's that?" That seemed to appease him, for the moment.

"Tell ya what Danny, how about you stop pacing and have a seat, and I'll tell you what happened once I got here last night?"

"Alright, ok, that's a start. I can do that." Danny conceded and sat down next to her on the sofa.

Catherine took a deep breath to steady herself and began to tell Danny everything.

 _ *******Flashback*******_

She touched down in Honolulu shortly after 11:00pm. She grabbed her duffle from the baggage claim and headed outside. She really hadn't thought this part through. The conversation… that she had been obsessing over since the minute she found out she was pregnant, for almost 2 weeks she had tried to imagine every possible way this conversation could go. During all of her obsessing, worrying, and assessing every aspect of her life and what a baby would mean to that life she had planned out every conservable outcome but now standing outside of the airport with her duffle in her hand she was paralyzed by indecision. Should she grab an Uber to his house? It's late, what if he's on a case? What if he's already asleep? What if he's on a date? Maybe she should just take a hotel somewhere near the airport and wait until tomorrow…

' _Get it together Rollins_!' she reprimanded herself trying to snap out of the cloud of indecision swirling around in her thoughts. _'It's now or never lieutenant.'_ She was stalling, even though she thought she had run through every possible scenario regarding this conversation the truth was the only purpose that seemed to have served was to make her more nervous.

She confirmed the Uber before she could talk herself out of it and trained her focus on watching the car arrive via the map on her phone.

It was shortly after midnight when she the car pulled into his driveway.

' _Now what?'_ she thought as she thanked the driver and slowly stepped out of the car.

' _Well, he's home… and his truck is the only car in the driveway, that's a good thing, right?'_

"Uh, is this the right house ma'am? Do you want me to wait or…"? the driver was clearly confused why she was hadn't moved from the spot she occupied when she got out of his car.

"No, no, it's fine… thank you. Have a nice night" She waved him off as she started walking towards that house.

She knew as well as anyone that Steve was a creature of habit, this gave her an idea. Glancing at her watch she confirmed that it was after midnight. He is in bed by now, has probably been asleep for hours… no sense in waking him now… she would just let herself in quietly and crash on the couch for a few hours taking care to set her alarm to make sure she was awake before he was. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and moved with more confidence towards the door.

She knew the code to his security system and had never either been asked or had offered to return her copy of his house key.

Rounding the corner to the front porch however her heart sank into her stomach. There were lights on in the back study. Peering carefully through the front windows from the cover of the porch she could see Steve sitting at the table across from his father's desk. Without seeing the project in front of him she knew from his posture that he was dismantling and cleaning whatever weapons he had in the house.

She swallowed, hard. She knew from experience that Steve up late at night working on this task meant that something was going on, something was weighing on him. She could guess, from experience, that this project was most likely preceded by a nightmare that left him unable or unwilling to go back to sleep. Her rational mind told her it was most likely about Joe or a particularly difficult case but she couldn't shake the itch at the back of her mind that wondered if she was the cause of this late-night cleaning session.

She pulled out her phone making the decision to grab an Uber back to town and try this again tomorrow... or maybe the next day. She again stopped herself and took a deep breath.

' _You've got this'_ she thought to herself, ' _it's Steve, no matter what happens between us, he will love this baby and he deserves to know about her, or him, sooner rather than later.'_

With one more deep breath, for courage, she walked up to the front door and rang the bell.

It felt like forever before the hinges creaked and the door cracked open.

"Catherine?" Steve was starring at her as if he wasn't sure if she were real.

"Yeah, it's me… uh… mind if I come in?"

Shaking himself from his stupor Steve stepped aside opening the door all the way, "yes… yeah… of course, come in."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Catherine slid past him and turned back to face him. He was still holding the door open, with his back to her. What was going on with him? She watched him stand there for what felt like an eternity before he slowly closed the door, letting his hand linger on the closed door before he took a deep breath and turned to face her.

"Are you ok? Are you in danger?"

With these questions she felt a small shiver up her spine that ended with a lump in her throat. She looked at the man standing in front of her, she could see clearly now what she had suspected while looking through the window was correct. Something was weighing on him, big time. The word that kept coming to her mind was worn… He looked so tired, so sad, so worn… but despite whatever internal battle he was fighting his first instinct was to protect her. Above the dark shadows under his eyes were the same dark eyes that she saw when she first arrived in Montana with the unmistakable glint of worry.

"No, no… I'm fine, I'm ok. At ease sailor, no imminent threat." She tried to lighten the situation but clearly did not succeed.

"What are you doing here then Cath at…" he paused to stretch his head around to see the time on the clock near the tv, "it's after midnight." He sounded surprised. At his realization of the time he closed his eyes and brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, you're right Steve, sorry. This was a mistake. I can… I'll just go, I can come back tomorrow." She fumbled in her pocket for her phone.

He quickly closed the gap between them and placed his hand over hers as she worked to pull the phone from her pocket.

"I'm sorry… that didn't come out right. You're not going anywhere tonight. Something is obviously up, what's going on Cath? Did Danny call you?" He took the duffle from her shoulder and led her over to the sofa.

"What? Danny? No, why would Danny call…" The question died on her lips as she realized, looking at Steve and taking in his appearance, that Danny would have of course been worried about his friend. If Steve assumed that Danny had called her that means that Danny had tried, and failed, to help Steve deal with whatever it was that was so obviously causing him so much pain. The image of Danny ranting about Steve's need to keep everything in and not let people help him jumped into her mind as clearly as if Danny were standing in front of her right now.

"No, Danny didn't call me, but I'm starting to wish he had. What is going on with you sailor? You don't look so good… when was the last time you slept?"

"I'm fine Cath, if Danny didn't call you then why are you here?" He clearly wasn't not interested in talking about whatever it was.

Was now the right time? Was coming here after being away for so long and dropping the bomb on him of her pregnancy and her plans to live in Hawaii full time really what he needed right now? Was that going to compound everything he was already dealing with? While this internal debate was playing out she could feel his eyes on her, feel him waiting for an answer. She could feel the panic rising in her gut and she felt the sudden need to bolt for the door.

"Catherine, you're thinking so loud over there that I'm afraid you'll wake the neighbors. Whatever brought you here must have been important. Talk to me, what's going on?"

"Ok, you're right. It is important, I'm just not sure where to start…" She turned to face him more directly on the sofa, drew in a deep breath and made up her mind.

"I resigned my position with the CIA." Steve's face flashed with what she thought was hope, replaced quickly with confusion.

"Cath, why? You loved that jo…"

"Steve, let me get through this ok? I promise everything will make sense, I just…. I need to get this out ok?"

He nodded and placed a reassuring hand on her knee.

"I resigned my position with the CIA two weeks ago, I got back here as soon as I could. I resigned because I couldn't do the job any more… I mean I could have physically done it I just couldn't do it knowing… what I mean is that… well… Steve I'm pregnant, it's yours and as soon as I found out I knew I needed to be here so that you could have the chance to be in your child's life."

She blurted out so much so quickly that when she looked at him and saw his blank stare she thought for a moment that she had said everything so fast that he didn't hear her.

"Steve?"

"… I ah, I heard… you're? And its mine? And you're back in Hawaii?"

"Yes." She moved her hand to cover his hand that rested on her knee. "I know this is a lot and I'm sorry to dump it on you all at once, and if you're upset or need some time… I can go. It's just… well… I just needed you to know, and I wanted to tell you in person, and I…"

"How far along are you? When are you… when's the due date? Are you… are you ok? Is the baby ok?"

"I'm 17 weeks, I found out when I was just about 15… I didn't know, I… we took precautions… I'm due August 2nd and the doctor says the baby and I are just fine."

He took in the answers to all the questions he had asked and just looked at her for what felt like an eternity and then, as if watching glass shatter slowly, she watched as his breath caught in his throat, he brought his free hand up to cover his eyes and he lost his battle against his emotions. Silently Catherine watched, feeling helpless, he slipped his hand out from underneath hers, brought it to meet his other hand, covered his entire face, leaned back against the sofa and began to cry.

She wasn't sure what to do… she had seen Steve upset before, when his dad died, when they found Freddie's body in North Korea and she had known exactly what he needed in those situations. Right now, in this moment, she felt helpless, guilty, and afraid.

Tentatively she scooted closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. She thought she had pictured every potential outcome of this conversation… she was wrong. She had never pictured this. Had this been too much? Had she been selfish to unburden herself on him when he was clearly dealing with so much already? The image of Danny lecturing her suddenly sprang to mind and she silently kicked herself for not waiting longer to lay this on him.

"Steve?"

He gathered himself, still behind the shield of his hands and slowly lowered them, wiping away the tears on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm ok… it's just, it's a lot. I'm sorry, I'm… so sorry, you don't need this."

"Hey, it is ok… I just came here and told you something that could change your entire life, it's overwhelming, believe me, I get it. I've had some time to process it and it still feels like a lot to me. Do you want me to leave? I completely understand if you need some time to process…"

Her words were cut off as Steve leaned over and engulfed her completely in his arms, she could feel him trying to get his breathing under control as he pulled away from her slightly. He leaned back just far enough to reach her lips with his. She was caught off guard with this response as well and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes as he broke off the kiss.

He noticed too and gently wiped them away with his thumb.

"So you're not mad?" She managed through her sniffles.

"Mad? You thought I would be mad? Cath, I love you… I was going to ask you to marry me… why would I be mad?"

It's just that… you have a whole life Steve… a whole life that I'm not a part of any more… this will change all that."

He leaned in and kissed her again. "Yes, yes it will."


End file.
